three lifetimes of truths, both told and untold
by indelible
Summary: The difference between then and now, and the things that stayed the same. Sannin


**three lifetimes of truths, both told and untold**

**the**** tower**

* * *

( and the people said, "let us build a tower that will reach the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves." )

* * *

It is said that every action begets another action, that all things must follow a natural course, from the beginning to the end. Whatever "fate" predetermines, whatever "destiny" exists, nothing is exempt from the end and the means. Simply put, everything is an organized process, a science experiment waiting to happen.

Perhaps you believed that because you always thought with the left hemisphere of your brain. There is a precise order of things, measured and calculated to fit exactly with the outcome you sought for. As a talented child, you utilized this genius in such a way that tested your creativity (to find more ways to hurt and harm) and your ruthlessness (because being normal was too hard for you to be satisfied with). Your teacher once thought that he could dispel that part of you and make you a better citizen of Konoha.

It was impossible because you did not want it to disappear.

Your beginning started with death: the death of parents that could have given you love, could have rectified some of your skewed logic and blunt tactlessness, could have made you someone lesser known, less respected, weaker beyond what you are now (and that is saying a lot), and the death of hope for you and for anyone else associated with you. You grew up admired for capabilities, and feared for it too. (Or was it your mind that they grew afraid of, your maliciousness and your hunger for power more maddening and beyond anyone else's?)

You eventually trained under the future Third Hokage with the most obnoxious and loud (but strong, frightfully strong, so strong that you wanted to crush them underfoot) teammates, and, somewhere along the way, your team was nicknamed _Densetsu no __Sannin_, legendary, immortalized by name.

Somewhere along the way, the thirst was never quenched, only intensified until you weren't satisfied with simply power --- you wanted to live _forever_.

Every action, every reason, every train of thought, every intention, regardless of its innate goodness or wickedness or morality, has a reaction.

* * *

( the lord came down to see the tower the people built, and said, "this is only the beginning of what they will do; nothing that they will propose to do will be impossible." )

* * *

He did not choose you as his successor.

It was not that he knew what went behind closed doors (little children, young and full of life, abducted and touched and destroyed, little by little, until the life was gone from their eyes, or until they died). It was simply that he was wary of you, of your ambition, your selfishness, your greed, and gave it to the more deserving, more pure hearted, and more foolish person than you ever were. With him, he did not have his reservations.

Thus, you realized: I have no need for Konoha anymore.

You did not regret leaving; how could you, when you had no love to give to the place that raised you, taught you, kept you alive and weaker than you wanted to be?

Regrets are for the dead, anyway. You have your pawns to arrange, and you have barely begun the game.

What happens next, you rationalize, is still part of your plans.

Check.

* * *

( so the lord scattered them all over the face of the earth and confused their language, so that they would not be able to understand each other's speech. )

* * *

In the end, you did not exactly fail, nor did you succeed.

You did not gain immortality; at least, not your entire self. You existed, in pieces, with others who may or may not have conveniently forgotten you. You came up short, you made a mistake somewhere along the way. You are not god.

But that's impossible, you think, half-delirious with apprehension and something else, something sharper and more biting than anything you have ever known (is this to doubt? Or is it -- ), I shouldn't be dead.

And you are, in some ways, and aren't in a few more. It does not matter now.

* * *

( the tower is associated with disillusionment, chaos, downfall, hardship, failure and catastrophe. It represents the paradigms built by the ego to comprehend the workings of the universe, usually boding little good for the person involved. )

* * *

**the**** hanged man**

* * *

Tsunade is addressed in many ways (from the respectful _hime_ to the then-insulting _flat-__chested__Tsunade_ to _the most beautiful woman in __Konoha_, and, sometimes, as _obaa__-san_), but the name anyone has yet to give her is _the cursed one_.

She is not one who has yet to be less inclined to believe in matters regarding superstition and luck. Gambling requires a good amount of it and of blind faith, things that cannot be explained because they simply appear to happen because on an unconnected phenomenon. Tsunade learns of it as soon as she becomes familiar with loss and bereavement.

It starts and ends with men, always men, two great loves of her life. The first is her brother; the second is her lover. There is a curse that seems to follow those she bequeaths The Necklace to (because it cannot simply be referred to without the proper corrections). She has learned to love and hate it equally, because it came from a loved one and inadvertently caused more harm than good. It is true that there are extenuating circumstances that must not be ignored, and that coincidences happen more than once, in succession. It is this sacrifice that keeps her suspended in time that makes her waver in between waiting for the greater good to happen and giving up an endless stream of possibilities.

But she must pass the threshold before being redeemed. She thinks it is Death, but she has already died inside long ago, and she does not feel the least bit reborn.

She has no choice but to wait for signs of change, if they should ever come in her lifetime.

* * *

( the hanged man represents personal loss for the greater good, passivity, acceptance, and non action. The hanged man sees truth because it has lost something valuable and looks at the world in a different manner than ordinary, upright, alive persons that have not experienced loss or pain as the hanged man has. )

* * *

**the**** fool**

* * *

( the dog )

If Jiraiya had a fault, it was this: that he indulged too much in worldly pleasures. It was not that he could not practice self-control; he found it too exasperating to resist.

He has never let himself get bitten by it, though.

* * *

( the flower )

He is a lover of beauty, perhaps a connoisseur of women. His eyes take in every inch and glimpse of skin, his fingers curling in anticipation and silent longing to run his palm across every expanse of muscle. He wants to draw the slightest curve of the hip, the faintest freckle on a bare shoulder, wants to explore and understand the true nature of a woman's body, like a Renaissance painter, or a ---

"Pervert," says Tsunade darkly after he expounds on the subject one day, and is given a five second head start before she sets her _sake_ down and stalks towards him to beat him up.

* * *

( the possessions )

The prophecy said that he would travel the world while writing a book and meet a child capable of revolutionizing or destroying the world. With this in mind, he thinks, what the hell, and goes off on his journey anyway.

* * *

( the sun )

He thought, at first, that it was Nagato he was looking for. Years later, he lays a weary hand on an elder toad, fighting to stay alive and awake to transfer the secret that could save lives of it reached the right person. It is only then that he comes to realize that it is Naruto (Naruto!) and not Nagato, a difference of a few years and a character in writing.

If he were Orochimaru, he would think it was an error. If he were Tsunade, he would think it was a disastrous event. But he is himself and does not blame it on anything or regrets what he has done. He is the fool, but it is the fool who truly knows and understands the way things work in the world with no attempt to reason or believe. That makes all the difference.

* * *

( is the fool making a mistake, or a leap of faith? )

* * *

_End_


End file.
